I’ve been improving my user experience of life manifested.
And I’m trying to explain this un-languaged experience in words that other humans can understand.
I’ve been improving my aesthetic (sensory) experience; opening my heart to everything and everyone; and living in a state of intention and gratitude.
Before now, I was living a life that had become very stiff, habitual, routine. As my life, so too my body and mind. Everyday I traced the same path, in space and through time.
I was living too much in my mind, too much in my ego, too much in the past, too much in a future that didn’t yet exist.
A perfect storm of new people and new opportunities challenged my embedded neural pathways. Conversations with new friends pushed me to emotional and intellectual places I’d never been before. I became reacquainted with my body through the physical therapy I received after the car accident. And I began to look from a higher point, from above in some metacognitive state, to see what processes were playing out that led me to thoughts about past/future/identity, etc. I took an observational seat at the table, instead of devoting all my attention to whatever voice was loudest, most scared, most urgent. I observed the thinker.
This change and realization came over me (gradually, but faster than any other sensation of knowledge accrual I’d known) and I saw things with new eyes.
“The eyes of my eyes were opened.”
Within my mind I started taking new turns, reexamining old doors (some never opened, some left ajar). I started browsing all the mental photographs I’d taken, the identities I’d self-applied, the definitions I’d made to explain my world, and other things left lying around my soul. I bridged my internal and external worlds and saw the same things in physical reality – all the old stuff lying around my house, objects I’d collected, and how all things were symbols for feelings and moments, many good and many bad.
In both worlds, I did some serious cleaning. I got rid of all that was dissonant, all that resonated negatively. I threw out suitcases of stuff I’d been carrying around blindly for years (both physically and mentally). I swept, I scrubbed, I washed the windows and each regular day-to-day life scene became more vivid. I uncovered many beautiful things I had forgotten – talents, loves, dreams. And I met someone who’d been living in my house quietly, patiently this entire time – someone or something beyond labels that I wish to call my true self/source, whose voice now speaks the loudest.
I organized a garage sale and sold everything that summer. I literally shed a material layer that was no longer me, perhaps multiple layers. I threw out nearly all of my clothes, electronics, books, furniture, and all the other stuff that’d been accumulating without purpose. (And writing this makes me want to start again and see how much more I can shed from my life!)